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Monday, February 14, 2011

My Funny Valentine: A Contest!

I'm one of those people who utterly detests Valentine's day.  Don't get me wrong, I've had a wonderful valentine in my life for going on ten years now, so it's not out of bitterness that I dislike this holiday so much.  Mostly it's because of logistics; this grotesque little holiday falls two days before my birthday.  Every year.  I also have serious issues with a holiday that encourages numerous affronts to the English language in the form of cheesy song lyrics, sappy monologues and bad poetry.

Someone needs to do something to improve the overall literary quality of Valentine's day and I've come to the conclusion that the best way to accomplish this is by having a CONTEST!!!

What you need to do:  Write a valentine from one literary character to another and post it in the comments.  Easy right?  Here are a few more details:

  • Contest is Open Until: Precisely 11:59pm EST on Feb. 16 at which time I will close comments on this post.
  • Finalists:  Will be selected by moi, and will be announced on Saturday, Feb 19.  Once I announce the finalists, I'll set up a poll so everyone can vote for the Grand Poobah of Valentine Literary Awesome.  I will post to let you know when the poll opens.
  • Prize:  $15 Gift Card to the Grand Prize Winner!

    Get extra bonus points and kudos in the first round if you: 
    • Use characters from children's literature or teen literature.
    • Pair two unlikely valentines in such a way that it goes from bizarre to deliciously ridiculous!
    • Make me laugh so hard I snort milk out of my nose.
    • Make me sob so much I think my heart might break.
    • (But really, I like laughing better than sobbing.  Just FYI.)
    Ready... Set... Write!


    Patti Struble said...

    Wow, okay, I seriously couldn't resist this. How fun!! Here goes....

    From Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde

    You left the milk on the table,
    I did not put it away.
    I was not able.

    You tossed the laundry,
    Broke the vase.
    You even jumped up
    On my work-space.

    Still, you brought me yet another gift.
    Half-beaten man from over the rift.

    Now the lab’s all a-twitter,
    We, we’re not quitters.

    His heart will go; lungs & brain too.
    For these gifts, I give to you.


    Orlando said...

    My head aches, my heart pounds.
    I think of you and my stomach turns upside down.

    I can feel it moving inside of me,
    you must be my Valentine because the doctor hears a heart beat.

    If he's born kind of fury its not my fault.
    The werewolf kissed me when you ran off.

    Jacob the werewolf help me when you were gone,
    But Edward, my boo, your the one from whom I want a spawn.

    I'm still your Bella and I still want your bite,
    So don't worry how furry will be this little tyke.

    Kemendraugh said...

    From Tigger to Kanga:

    I don't have a mama, and I'm not Roo.
    But I sure love bouncing in on you!
    You guys are my family. Like it or not.
    And you're the best family I ever did got.
    I can't write much, and I can't spell more
    That doesn't matter, it's you I adore
    I want you to know you're special today
    Well, you're special all days but this day especially special, okay?
    So here's a valentine's ditty
    Because you're quite pretty
    To Kanga (and Roo the little pest)
    (I didn't mean that I just needed it to rhyme.
    (Poets say things like that all of the time)
    Like I said, Kanga, and Roo the pest.
    Poems is what Tiggers do best!

    Kulsuma said...

    Your berating I shan't forget
    Much like that first day we met

    The truth is you ARE handsome enough to tempt me
    Just why oh why did it take my my head and heart so long to agree?

    Your luscious smile, those fine, fine eyes,
    My consuming love for you- no longer can I disguise

    You shine more brightly than your counterparts
    None of them are as versed as you in their arts

    I knew you were the one the day you snubbed me,
    Sounds weird I know, but it opened my eyes finally

    I tried and tried to get you out of my head,
    But I kept picturing us

    Your prejudice and my pride
    Kept you from becoming my bride.

    I went away from you as far as I could
    But fate's fate-turned out you were in my neighbourhood.

    Yeah it was awkward but it got better
    And now here I am writing you this poem/letter.

    Dear Lizzie, my sweetheart, won't you be mine
    This valentine?

    -Your not-so-secret admirer,

    hehe that was fun to write!

    Michelle said...

    Hmmm..... which to choose? They're all really cute!

    And now, for a sidebar:
    Hey, my surprise is finally here! Any author who wants to can add info to my author showcase!

    Dave Symonds said...

    To Harry Potter

    Dobby is extremely fond
    Of Harry and his waving wand.
    And Dobby always gave support
    As Harry fought Lord Voldemort

    While at the Malfoy’s alma mater
    He was freed by Harry Potter
    Luscious Malfoy was in shock
    When Dobby got that dirty sock

    Although Dobby is a goner
    Dobby feels it was an honor
    Helping Harry to the end
    As a free elf and his friend

    Your friend
    - Dobby the Free Elf

    Jessica said...

    From Jessica in EGL 102-AD/CD1:

    Dearest husband (maybe more appropriately son),
    Who knew the oracle'd be right and you'd be the one?
    My new love to cherish, my dear Valentine.
    Offed your pop, and now you're mine.
    Not absurd at all, our marriage and kin,
    Here to display our ultimate sin.

    Charles said...

    From Charles in EGL 102-AD/CD1:

    You and I were shot by an arrow from Cupid,
    We had four children, all of them stupid.

    (And a bit of low-brow humor...)

    For nine long months, I felt you inside me.
    After all these years, nothing has changed.

    April said...

    From April in EGL 102-AD/CD1:

    In the morning, I am quite boring.
    The sun shines bright, with overpowering light.
    Your eyes are the same,
    As one near your fame.
    Is it my hun
    or is it my son?
    I n'er know what you seen now
    No, me.

    Prof. Bragg said...

    From Prof. Bragg, EGL 102-AD/CD1:

    Love found after love
    Grief and misery remain
    Baby Man of mine

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