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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Dear Facebook: It's not Me, It's You...

Dear Facebook,

I'm sorry, but this thing we have just isn't working out.  I know you're trying to bring people together, but really you're nothing more than a college alumni magazine on crack and I just can't deal with all your TMI anymore.  No, I don't need to know how many hairballs your cat spat-up today.  No, I don't care what you had for breakfast.  And no, I really don't need to see photos of the four orphan goldfish you rescued from a third-world country.  You need to learn some boundaries, Facebook.  Seriously.

Your obsession with reciprocation irks me.  I can only be friends with someone if they friend me back.  But what if I want to follow the goings-on of someone so supremely awesome that I don't care if they want to friend me back?  Sometimes, like any good fan-girl, all I want is to bask in the glow, and there's nothing wrong with that except that you won't let me.

And then, of course, there's the issue of dear Great-Aunt Sally, who friended me yesterday, bless her heart.  I knew our days together were numbered, Facebook, the minute all my relatives over retirement age decided to jump on your little bandwagon.  I do not need to be poked by Grandpa Harold.  (Did I mention that this "poking" feature seriously freaks me out?  You couldn't think of a better word than "poke" could you, Facebook?)

Still, I must admit that we did have our good times, though can't think of any at the moment.  Don't worry, Facebook.  I'm not leaving you entirely; I'll still use you when it's convenient, but ditch you as soon as you start acting stupid.  I hope that's alright.

See, it all comes down to this: I've found someone new.  It's name is Twitter.  And it seriously rocks.

BTW--here's one of those little heartbreak icons just for you.  Enjoy.

13 comments:

L.A. Colvin said...

Hilarious!! I've never done Facebook and I bet with in 3 years they will be like Myspace.

Jenny Torres Sanchez said...

Love this post! I keep wanting to ditch FB because I barely use it. Does anyone else get Facebook anxiety--this feeling like you should respond to people but it's just too overwhelming b/c there's too many people and it's a serious time sucker?

Gabriela Pereira said...

L.A. Colvin Wait... what's this mai-spayse thing you speak of? ;)

Jenny Hah! I totally get Facebook anxiety too. For me it manifests as a nagging worry that Great-Aunt Sally will be majorly offended if I don't comment on every single photo she posts of the doilies she knits from hair shed by her cats. (I know... ew, right?)

Misha said...

Lol I love that.

Facebook and I sort of drifted appart after I met Blogger.

:-)

Bekah said...

I hate stupid poking!! ANd I have left twice but I went back b/c my best friend moved to Flroida : ( bah!

Bekah said...

and I can't spell today- Facebook's fault

Ann Best said...

I think Facebook has its place. I connect with my family and church friends through it, but it doesn't take over my life. I like blogging better; it has more substance for me as a writer wanting to connect with other writers.

Very humorous post!
Ann Best, Author

Cacy said...

lol. Though I do have to say Facebook is a good way for getting in touch with random people whose real contact info you don't have, but generally I avoid going on because it is huge distraction monster (and there are so many other things to get distracted by online!).

Madeline said...

I'm not going to lie, Facebook and I never hit it off to begin with. Now Blogger and I, psh, that's a different story. Although he does demand a good amount of commitment...more so than you'd think. ;D

SariBelle said...

Love it! Awesome post :)
I'll admit though, I do use FB. Only to keep in touch with people I really know though. And I don't find it to be too much of a time suck coz I just have a quick look at the news feed and that's it. Blogger and Twitter are for meeting new writing friends, and take up way more time for me.

Sheila Siler said...

Great post -but I feel obligated to FB now, it's how I keep tabs on my kids and keep up with my friends. But I find myself posting less and less. Twitter, I signed up, but don't seem to keep up with it. Too much "real-time" movement perhaps. Blogging - that's what I love!

Ghenet said...

Who pokes anymore anyway? I don't like Facebook that much either. I was really into it during college but now...eh. I much prefer Twitter and blogging to connect with people!

Carol Riggs said...

Haha, all the more reason for me NOT to join Facebook (I've been holding out). Then again, I've been holding out regarding Twitter, too. Blogging keeps me plenty busy!

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